my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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