I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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