Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
