They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
