Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
