god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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