he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
