It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
