Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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