i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
