I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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