Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
