My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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