Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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