He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Farmville is her only friend.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
