hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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