I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
