Your face is a jimmy john
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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