I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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