During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
