wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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