My liver just broke up with me...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Everclear isn't food dammit
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
