i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
