God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
