OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Randomize
