I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
