My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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