under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
