Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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