Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
