What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
