Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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