i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
