Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
