Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
