He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The air was thick with penises
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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