I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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