I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
