you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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