all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
