mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
