dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
