Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
