You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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