this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
