3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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