My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
