i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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