smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
