some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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