Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have fence marks all over my body
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
